“Poisonous relationships can alter our perceptions. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless, but you’re not worthless. You’re unappreciated.” – Anonymous
Relationships aren’t supposed to be a do-or-die affair. Acknowledging the fact that no one is perfect doesn’t mean you should settle with the worst and spend your life in endurance. A relationship is a communion between persons who want to share love and happiness. No one should have to be stuck enduring bad character and abuse.
Sometimes, low self-esteem can cause people to put up with awful partners. Some people may worry they won’t find someone else who would be willing to accept them, for some reason or the other. Actually, it’s all in everyone’s heads. You must learn to love yourself before you can love someone else, otherwise, you’d become wholly dependent on their love. There’s definitely someone out there who’s willing to shower you with all the love you need. There’s no reason to put up with a poisonous relationship out of fear of loneliness.
If you notice any of these 14 toxic characters in your partner, it might be best to move on with your life.
I’m discussing this first because it’s the worst thing anyone could ever deal with in a relationship. People have died from abusive relationships. Be it physical, emotional or verbal, abuse is one thing you should never tolerate. If your partner is violent and hits you when they get angry, don’t try to endure it. You could get seriously hurt, or worse, killed. Emotional abuse reduces your worth as a human being, and you can spiral into major depression. Verbal abuse simply means they don’t love you. You shouldn’t try to put up with such bad behavior. It’s best to end things immediately and save yourself the awful stress.
Not taking responsibility for themselves
This is a very frustrating thing to endure. No one should be stuck with a partner who wouldn’t own up to their actions and take responsibility. You’ll end up trying to cover for them at all times. If they display this habit in front of other people, it can get downright embarrassing. Everyone has to be able to get in front of their own actions and deal with it, not deflect it to someone else. If your partner displays this attitude, it shows he or she is immature and still has some growing up to do.
Taking advantage of you
If your partner doesn’t give you as much as you give them, the relationship is not balanced. It means they’re not into you as much as you’re into them. Love must always balance out if happiness is to be ensured. Never let anyone take advantage of your feelings for them. You could be exploited in so many ways that’ll leave you broken and shaken.
Creating double standards in your relationship
Some people are quick to create double standards in everything in life, especially relationships. This is just plain wrong. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Your partner shouldn’t act a certain way about something and expect you to act in another way to suit his or her wishes. If you’ve both set rules in your relationship, they shouldn’t be tweaked by either partner.
Not expressing their feelings for you
Don’t settle with someone who thinks it’s cute to play hide-and-seek with your feelings. It’s unfair. It’s not just about saying the words, “I love you”, but showing it too. If you’re in love with someone and you always express it in your actions, they should reciprocate if they feel the same way too. It doesn’t make sense being with someone who doesn’t take time to make you feel loved.
Crossing your boundaries on purpose
It’s forgivable if once in a while, your partner unknowingly oversteps any of your personal boundaries. You can just talk about it and move on with your lives. It becomes unacceptable when they do this repeatedly. No one is conscripted into a relationship. You shouldn’t have to give up your necessary boundaries as a person to accommodate someone else. If they can’t respect your boundaries, they most likely don’t have much respect for you anyway.
Bringing out the worst in you
Don’t put up with someone who always makes you lash out or recoil into bad moods. It’ll only be a matter of time before you completely break down. Your partner should bring out the best in you. They should make you strive to be the best you can ever be. It’s not right being with someone who constantly frustrates you. This will turn you into an unhappy person with a quick temper. Your life, your health, and even your work will end up being badly affected.
Being ignorant of your feelings
You have to call it quits with someone who doesn’t take your feelings into consideration at all times. A partner who says and does things without thinking about how they’d make you feel is wrong for you. This means you’re dating a self-centered person.
Refusing to work and provide for themselves
If your partner doesn’t want to go out there and be self-reliant, then there’s a major problem somewhere. This gets really bad because they will most likely get too dependent on you. No matter how much you love this person, you are bound to get frustrated at some point. It’s different if, during the course of your relationship, your partner loses his or her job. If they’re making a visible effort to get something else lined up, then you have to support them. It becomes unacceptable when they relax and turn on the dependence switch on you. You don’t have to put up with a lazy person for any reason.
Making you doubt yourself
Your partner should support, encourage and guide you. If you’re dating someone who makes you feel insecure and unsure of your decisions, it’s best you let them go. Don’t settle with someone who cultivates seeds of doubt in your head. This is very destructive.
Trying to control you and make decisions for you
If your partner gives you advice on certain things and decisions you want to make, that’s all right. That’s one of the things being in a relationship is about. It becomes destructive if they try to force their wishes on you, like telling you to dress a certain way, eat certain foods, or adopt a lifestyle that pleases them exclusively. This is very bad and unacceptable. You have to be yourself in any relationship. You shouldn’t put up with someone who tries to make a mannequin out of you.
Acting like you should be grateful to them
No one should act like they’re doing you a favor by being in a relationship with you. No partner is superior to the other. You should both love and appreciate each other equally. Don’t stick with someone who acts as if you owe them gratitude for being with you.
Blaming you for their problems
Why in the world would anyone feel better blaming their misfortunes on someone else? It really beats the imagination. If you’ve noticed your partner likes to act as if you’re the cause of their problems, you shouldn’t try to endure that. It’s wrong to make you feel guilty over something you didn’t do or couldn’t control. If something’s not going right for them, they can either deal with it or enlist you to give them a hand. It’s not right to put the blame on you and act like it’s all your fault.
Not putting in a substantial effort to make your relationship work
This normally occurs when your partner feels like you should be grateful to them for being with you, perhaps due to financial, physical or societal reasons. You’re a gem and you deserve to be cherished. They may tend to be lackadaisical and nonchalant towards your relationship. This is not fair at all. Both partners must contribute equally to the relationship if things are to flow smoothly. It’s not one person’s job to keep the love alive.