Did you know that there is an ancient well-kept secret to constant feelings of happiness and contentment?  Yes, it exists. It is rarely talked about but if you can read in-between the lines, you can see it being used throughout history. This secret is quite simple, but like all arts, it takes patience and constant practice to master: it is the art of not getting angry. The key to this art lies in your ability to see every statement, slight, action or reaction of another human being as what they really are: the sum result of your total life experience to date [1].

This way of life is based on the ideology that we are a sum of our experiences. People act based on their knowledge and experience and most actions, even those that make us angry has little to do with us. Most people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, defenses, conclusions, and survival instincts. Their most recent behavior (especially the ones that annoy) has more to do with all the other times that they experienced a similar situation.

Anger for the soul
A psychodynamic insight is required to really put things into perspective. We live in a world where not everything is at it seems. For example, it is easy to get angry at someone for little reason if you were angry about something else earlier, even if you would have been more forgiving in a happier mood. It is necessary for those who wish to maintain or uplift their spirituality to study the psychological forces that underlie human feelings, emotions, and behavior [2].

This insight provides the simple answer: nothing is every truly personal. People would behave and respond the same way even if it was someone else in your shoes. We are all a sum of each other’s life experiences acting as stand-ins with built-in reactions for the other’s life lesson. This doesn’t mean that we are all just acting out a pre-ordained script, it just shows that the main reason why we get angry is as a result of some misunderstanding.

Action = reaction
The well-kept secret to constant immutable happiness is knowing that we are the one who just happens to be in the right spot at the right time to make someone do or say something, based on their psychodynamics, that provokes or angers us. By detaching your emotions from clouding the way we perceive the actions and reactions of people around us, it is possible to avoid being angry even when offended.

In truth, the other person may be lashing out because of previous experience, they may even be hurting from something totally unrelated. In fact, instead of getting, it presents a unique opportunity to extend kindness to another human being who might be suffering; even if they are not aware of this. By understanding that all anger is a form of suffering, it is possible to become frictionless like Teflon.

This, however, doesn’t mean that you should allow yourself to get hurt, neglected or used. Self-preservation is the most important function of human life but when you accept that nothing is personal, your abusers will start to disappear as if by magic. What you once considered to be abuse will only affect you if you believe what the other person is saying.


  1. The Fine Art of Not Being Offended“, Uplift. August, 2017.
  2. Psychodynamics. Wikipedia.
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